Week 10 Weight Loss

Starting weight: 505.4 lbs
Week 9 Weight: 468.0 lbs
Week 9 Change: -6.2 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 37.4 lbs

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Wow. When I saw the number that the lady at the meeting wrote on my card, I said, "Wait--really??"

And how did I celebrate this mondo loss? But eating like a machine last night. Grrr. (Don't worry, I pointed everything.)

So yeah, 12 1/2 pounds away from the 50 lb / 10% landmark.  Looking forward to crossing that line and keeping it going.

Tomorrow starts my C25K.  I'm a little nervous, because i don't like "programs." But it's worth it to get to the goal of finishing a 5K in under an hour.  And also being able to walk from my parking lot 1/4 mile to my building without sucking wind. 

The danger of starting a workout regimen? In the past, I've fallen into the habit of overcompensating with food.  So I'd "eat" all the progress I was making and calories I was burning in the gym.  Gotta keep a close eye on that, starting this week.

Okay, guess that's all I got today.  Have a good week, gang.

Week 9 Weight Loss

Starting weight: 505.4 lbs
Week 9 Weight: 474.2 lbs
Week 9 Change: -3.6 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 31.2 lbs

=====

Back on track.  I'm eating more frozen lunches, but I'm still not cooking regularly. Hopefully this week (now that i have hot water), I can start doing that too.

I'm going to start Couch-to-5K next week, so this week, it's all about apartment set-up.  But I'm looking forward to getting back on the road.

Week 8 Weigh-in: Take a Breath.

Starting weight: 505.4 lbs
Week 8 Weight: 477.8 lbs
Week 8 Change: +1 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 27.6 lbs

===

I had premonitions. My scale at home doesn't come up with the same weight as the meeting scale. But I noticed that it still wasn't moving in the right direction.  I told myself that it would be fine, it would all work itself out.
 
One pound gain. 
 
There are worse things. There are worse weeks.  But I'm still disappointed, because this puts me a week further away from my goal.
 
I told my meeting leader, who gave me a comforting handshake and encouraged me to not get down about it.  I told him I almost didn't want to eat breakfast, out of guilt, but I knew that would only sabotage me in the end, because i'd overeat at lunch.
 
So later that morning, as I finished breakfast and sat and moped, I realized I could either feel sorry for myself, or do something productive.  So I went and got all my groceries for the week, and stocked my fridge with healthy food.  Then I went to church and volunteered, handing out school supplies to needy students and families. 
 
Moping over.  I'm back on track.
 
What happened? I wasn't tracking closely. Snacking is always the hard thing for me, and I would let some things go.  Also, and this is a bigger issue, I'm still struggling with my one vice: regular soda.  When I was out and about, I'd fill my cup with Diet Coke, and then with Dr. Pepper. I justified it in my mind, but didn't count it against my point totals.  "What's wrong with you? Just cut that stuff out cold turkey!" I can hear the chorus of exasperated voices already. Fine.  I get that.  (Funny, but several of these voices have no problem tying a few on at happy hour, and then rag me for what I drink. Calories are calories, kiddies.)
 
So this week, I'm getting back to basics. Point everything. Drink water. Avoid all sugared soda. Be more active.
 
And next week, I'm hoping for a 4-5 pound bounce.

Week 7 Weight Loss

Starting weight: 505.4 lbs
Week 7 Weight: 476.8 lbs
Week 7 Change: -3.2 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 28.6 lbs

Another good week. The high level of physical activity during the moving process definitely helped offset a week of not cooking at home (my kitchen is still in boxes, i'm ashamed to say).

Hopefully this week, as I get the kitchen set up and am able to cook again, I'll regain some control of my pocketbook and my diet. But God is gracious, and I'm still losing weight.

Hope you're all doing well. Feel free to leave a comment and say hi, okay?

Week 6 Weight Loss

Starting weight: 505.4 lbs
Week 6 Weight: 480.0 lbs
Week 6 Change: -2.8 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 25.4 lbs

===

That's right. It's #25LbChip time!  Six weeks, good success, some ups and downs, but I'm pressing on.

This weekend was spend moving to a new apartment, so I had to eat out A LOT.  This probably means I consumed a lot of salt, so next week may not be as impressive. But I've been trying to make good choices (or better bad choices, thanks, Jaimie!), and I'm not too worried about it.  Back to normal life (even if most of the apartment is still boxed up), and back to pointing today (really, yesterday). 

I'll try to blog more than the weekly weigh-in, but I definitely want to do at least that each week. We'll see.  No promises, other than that I won't give up on this.

Week 5 Weight Loss

Starting weight: 505.4 lbs
Week 5 Weight: 482.8 lbs
Week 5 Change: -3.8 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 22.6 lbs

Can't really talk much because I'm about to have a brutal week.  Much too busy, much too stressed. My prayer is that the work and labor and stress of job+preaching+moving will keep my appetite down, keep me under my Points, and burn off a lot of calories.

Or, it could completely freak out my endocrine system, and--combined with little-to-no sleep--leave me with no progress by next weekend.

Let's hope for that first thing.

Thanks for the encouragements; I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.  (Except I just did. But yeah, thank you.)

Next week, Lord-willing, I'll post another loss, and have time to talk about my least favorite thing in the gym.

Week 4 Weight Loss

Starting weight: 505.4 lbs
Week 4 Weight: 486.6 lbs
Week 3 Change: -1.6 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 18.8 lbs

Less than I would have liked.  Reassessing what I did in the last week.  I think part of it is that a lot of my food intake was processed food--so higher in salt than previous weeks.  Also, I used every one of my available points, and some of my activity points, because I worked out with a trainer twice and that ramped up my hunger.

I'm hoping with proper hydration, less processed food, and a little more vigilance I should be able to get back the losses I "gave up" in this last week.  Plus, my mom challenged me to go a week without using any of my "bonus points" (the weekly bank we're allowed to use).  (Two days in, so far so good.)  I've taken her up on it. So I'm hoping for a gangbusters weigh-in on Saturday.

Week 3 Weight Loss

I'll have a video post later today, but let's get the business out of the way now:

Starting weight: 505.4 lbs
Week 3 Weight: 488.2 lbs
Week 3 Change: -4.2 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 17.2 lbs

Boom.  I like this.  Progress is awesome.

Week 2 Weight Loss

CLARIFICATION:  Okay, so here's the deal...

I have a scale at home, which I use to weigh-in in the middle of the week and get an idea of how i'm doing. It's in the bathroom, so I can do the morning, pre-or-post-shower weight.

So for the last two weigh-ins, I've posted my at-home, unofficial numbers.

Problem is, my Weight Watchers weigh-ins are obviously clothed. Plus, the first week, I was wearing jeans. Heavy fabric=artificial weight loss if i wear something else.  During Week 2, I was wearing cargo shorts of a lighter material.  (To avoid this in the future, I'm going to be wearing essentially the same outfit to my WW weigh-ins from now on--tee-shirt and those same [or similar] shorts.)

SO. My home weights are slightly different than my WW meeting weights. This has become confusing to keep up with and report, so I'm going to just give you my WW weights from now on, and we'll just assume the truth is within a pound up or down of that number.

The point is consistency.  That's why I'm picking one weigh-in and sticking with it, on this blog. So I'm hereby going back and revising my previous numbers so that it's all consistent.

We all on the same page now?  Cool.  On to the update:

===

Starting WW meeting weight: 505.4 lbs
Week 1 Weight: 495.4 lbs
Week 2 Weight: 492.4 lbs
Week 2 Change: -3 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 13 lbs

This week was trickier. I used up all my daily and weekly points, and went a touch over that, even.  Also, my body is struggling to adjust to the change in food type and quality.  I won't discuss further, but will simply say, I'm still adjusting. That said, I was very pleased to show any loss, and frankly worried that the number i put up was wrong.  I wonder if maybe I was leaning forward without realizing it, which would throw off the scale just a bit.

But i'm learning to just trust the process, and trust the numbers. As long as they keep going in the right direction, i'm fine.

Still haven't started up with the gym. That reminds me, I need to email them.  I was supposed to get a training schedule last week, and it never came.

Okay, that's it.  I may check in later in the week. Who knows, I may even knock out a video blog. 

Have a good week, remember to drink plenty of water and consume the right amount of healthy oils (your GI system will thank you!), and Waddle On, You Thunderin' Herd.

Week 1 Weight Loss

Starting Weight: 504.0 pounds
Week 2 Weight: 495.6 pounds
Week 1 Weight Loss: 8.4 pounds

Solid start. I'm using all my points, and haven't really started ramping up exercise yet. (That comes this week, with my new trainer at the gym downstairs).  So yeah. Boom.

Week 1, Day 7: Reset

Happy Summer, friends.

Let me summarize what's been going on with me.

I quit on myself again, and gained back all the weight. I used the excuse of an injury to stop exercising and eat garbage, and ended up gaining back everything I'd lost in the first half of the year. And a little extra.

I reached a point where I really started FEELING the weight. I noticed how my energy really started tanking. How out of breath the five-minute walk from the parking lot to the office made me. How gross I felt after meals. My blood pressure was getting worse (I could tell by how my ankles would swell). And I realized that I was starting to fall apart more precipitously.

At this point, something awesome happened: my mom joined Weight Watchers.

If you don't know my amazing mother, I'll just say this: she's in a similar boat that I'm in, though not to the extreme I am. She also has diabetes. And while she's paid lip-service to how she needs to take care of herself (sound like anyone you know?), she hasn't really done so.

Then suddenly, she told me that she joined WW and was going to the meetings. She said I needed to do the same. I needed accountability.

And the fact was, I knew she was right. I was tired of fighting the truth: I needed to do something to save my life.

So, a mere 3 months after logging off of WW for the last time, I found myself walking into a WW meeting on a Saturday morning.

It's funny. I felt totally self-conscious, almost embarrassed, as i was getting registered. Me, the guy who talks in front of people every week. The guy who has blogged his guts and blood and bones out for almost 8 years. I think I know why it was harder this time. Before, I would say "yeah, I need to do this or that," and then try my hardest to do it myself.  But walking into that Methodist church, sitting down in that Sunday-school-classroom-turned-WW-meeting-room, I wasn't just saying, "I need to do this or that."

I was saying, "I can't do it. Please help me." And that's really hard for me to do.

The meeting was painless. The perky instructor actually asked me to share about how i needed accountability, so I did, finally getting my comfort level back. Maybe being inside a church helped. I'm one of those rare breeds for whom church is actually a safe place.

I shared, and she gave me a blue "Bravo!" sticker (for non-weight victories) that I got to put in my little weigh-in book. It's a silly and small thing, but it's important. I see that now, days later.

So for a week, i've been on the plan. I've gone over my daily points, but not too far. The WW system is to give you a daily target and a weekly bonus bank (these are not the exact terms, but whatever). So if you splash over your daily point total, you cash in some of those extra points. The idea is to use all your dailies and as many of your weeklies as you want, up to the limit. Some people save their bank for one day out of the week, so they can just blow it out. Me, i'm still getting used to the new point system, so I'm using the weekly points to course-correct.

It's the last day of the week. I have just enough daily points and leftover bank points to have a good dinner and maybe a WW ice cream bar at home.

And if my mid-week weigh-ins are any indication, I'm gonna have a good number tomorrow morning.

So that's where we stand, up to today. Back on a plan, with human accountability in place (meeting, and mom). I get to cheer my mom on as she fights to get healthy, and because she's really doing it now, meals with the family won't be "sabotage moments" like they used to. I'm very hopeful about this.

And honestly, I feel like I really have turned a corner. This feels different.

Oh! Before I forget:
Starting Weight: 504.0 pounds

===

Two quick notes from today.

1) Went in to the fitness facility here in my building and met with a trainer. We talked through my goals, what i'm used to, what I need to be taught, and we are going to put together a training plan. Then I'm going to meet with a trainer a few times a week, doing weights and cardio, so I can get stronger and boost my weight-loss. I'm excited about this. The only thing i'm worried about? The girl is too nice. I'm hoping she turns into Jillian when we get to work next week.

2) Without realizing it, I had restarted my old WW account, rather than getting a new one. Old account, with the account history. The yo-yo weight graph. The old goals. I pulled up the data and clicked on "reset weigh-in history." A caution message popped up, asking me if I was sure that I wanted to delete all previous data and start over. I pulled up the three pages of weigh-in's, dating back to January 2006. I printed a copy to keep in a file, and then pressed "yes." In a moment, the past was gone. The dialog box popped up, asking me for new starting weigh-in total and date, and new goals.

Things are different. I really believe that. A reset seemed like a good idea.

And I'm feeling good.

Week 14, Day 3: My (free) Fitness Pal

Previous weight: 495.6 pounds
This week's weight: 494.6 pounds
Loss: 1 pound

Another week of fluctuations, in which I got up into the high-nineties before coming back down. I won't even count this as an official weigh-in, since it's been nine days, not 7. (My Monday weight was higher.)

===

Quick hits:
--I hate this boot.
--I downloaded My Fitness Pal onto my iPod. Easy way to track calories. Larger database than WW. And free. Booyah.
--I'm also ending my five-year relationship with WW. I'm ending it 20 pounds heavier than when I started. That's a drag. While the online-only format was useful for a while, I didn't have the commitment to stick with it long-term.
--Not that using an iPod app provides any greater level of accountability or commitment. I'm just not going to be paying $17 a month for the privilege of ignoring it half the time.
--Going to contact the Wellness office at work today to set up an appointment with a nutritionist. (Why on earth have I not taken advantage of this free service before?)

That's all I've got. Have a good week, folks.

Week 13 Weigh-in: Just Trying to Get Back into the Swing of This.

Week 13 Weight: 495.6 pounds.

Four pounds gained over the last three weeks or so. I'm glad it's not more. But that means I'm down to a net loss of 8.4 pounds since January 3. Three months of back-and-forth. I'm trying to spin it in my head as "a sustained loss," but it's a slide backwards.

I'm in a tricksy headspace right now. Yesterday, in response to some personal frustrations, I totally emo-scarffed a DQ Reese's PBCup blizzard. Blatant self-medication. Then I sat in my apartment and watched several hours of Mad Men and just tuned out of the world for a bit.

It's all connected. The weight-loss struggle/surrender affects the mental and emotional state. Which increases the stress level. Which triggers the unhealthy coping mechanisms. Which sabotage the weight-loss efforts. Ad nauseum, ad infinitum.

I'm making an appointment with the therapist/counsellor guy i used to see. He's really good at asking me the questions i'm not asking myself. That helps, especially in times like this when i'm so twisted around the axle mentally that I don't even know how to begin fixing what's obviously out of whack.

Foot Update: Been wearing a medical boot for the past five days to immobilize my foot/ankle so that the tendon inflammation can go down. Foot feels better. Calf hurts mightily. Will be wearing the boot until Easter, at which time, as stated previously, I'm definitely signing up for some sort of personal training/coaching to get the exercise thing going.

Okay, that's it, back to work.

Stopping the skid

He drives with confidence

upshifting and downshifting

like a professional driver in a closed course

leaving a cloud of dust and a sportscar logo

in his wake

until he is distracted

second-guesses himself

overcorrects

and hits an unseen gravel patch

the mountain road he so expertly manuevered

becomes a terrifying track

as he struggles to regain traction

overcorrects

second-guesses himself

and for a moment

he takes his hands off the wheel

in panic

in surrender

but the moment passes

he regains composure

decides he will not give up

and let the force of physics drag him

over the edge and down to the valley floor

so he grits his teeth

grips the wheel

prays with the strained whispers

and unvoiced screams of a dying man

and tries to stop the skid

===

This is me, gripping the wheel and stopping the skid.

I don't have an official weight for you, but i think i gained back about half of what i lost.

I let a lingering foot injury and my own poor reactions to external stressors determine my actions, so I haven't been to the gym in weeks. I'll be there tomorrow morning at six.

Official weigh-in back on, on Monday.

Over Easter weekend, I'll be committing to a trainer/nutritionist. I need professional coaching if I'm going to succeed in these early stages of the journey back. I'm currently looking at my options. If you have suggestions, comment or email.

Day 1: Going back to basics. I need to win today.

Week 10, Day 2 Weigh-in

Week 10 Results
Starting Weight: 504.0 pounds
Previous Weight: 491.0 pounds
Current Weight: 491.6 pounds
Weight Change: +0.6 pounds
Total Weight Loss: 12.4 pounds

===

I've got nothing to say for myself. In almost three months, i've only lost 12 frigging pounds. Which would be fine for someone with 30 or 40 pounds to lose, but not for someone who really nees to lose more than 250 pounds.

This makes me sick.