Week 1, Day 7: Reset

Happy Summer, friends.

Let me summarize what's been going on with me.

I quit on myself again, and gained back all the weight. I used the excuse of an injury to stop exercising and eat garbage, and ended up gaining back everything I'd lost in the first half of the year. And a little extra.

I reached a point where I really started FEELING the weight. I noticed how my energy really started tanking. How out of breath the five-minute walk from the parking lot to the office made me. How gross I felt after meals. My blood pressure was getting worse (I could tell by how my ankles would swell). And I realized that I was starting to fall apart more precipitously.

At this point, something awesome happened: my mom joined Weight Watchers.

If you don't know my amazing mother, I'll just say this: she's in a similar boat that I'm in, though not to the extreme I am. She also has diabetes. And while she's paid lip-service to how she needs to take care of herself (sound like anyone you know?), she hasn't really done so.

Then suddenly, she told me that she joined WW and was going to the meetings. She said I needed to do the same. I needed accountability.

And the fact was, I knew she was right. I was tired of fighting the truth: I needed to do something to save my life.

So, a mere 3 months after logging off of WW for the last time, I found myself walking into a WW meeting on a Saturday morning.

It's funny. I felt totally self-conscious, almost embarrassed, as i was getting registered. Me, the guy who talks in front of people every week. The guy who has blogged his guts and blood and bones out for almost 8 years. I think I know why it was harder this time. Before, I would say "yeah, I need to do this or that," and then try my hardest to do it myself.  But walking into that Methodist church, sitting down in that Sunday-school-classroom-turned-WW-meeting-room, I wasn't just saying, "I need to do this or that."

I was saying, "I can't do it. Please help me." And that's really hard for me to do.

The meeting was painless. The perky instructor actually asked me to share about how i needed accountability, so I did, finally getting my comfort level back. Maybe being inside a church helped. I'm one of those rare breeds for whom church is actually a safe place.

I shared, and she gave me a blue "Bravo!" sticker (for non-weight victories) that I got to put in my little weigh-in book. It's a silly and small thing, but it's important. I see that now, days later.

So for a week, i've been on the plan. I've gone over my daily points, but not too far. The WW system is to give you a daily target and a weekly bonus bank (these are not the exact terms, but whatever). So if you splash over your daily point total, you cash in some of those extra points. The idea is to use all your dailies and as many of your weeklies as you want, up to the limit. Some people save their bank for one day out of the week, so they can just blow it out. Me, i'm still getting used to the new point system, so I'm using the weekly points to course-correct.

It's the last day of the week. I have just enough daily points and leftover bank points to have a good dinner and maybe a WW ice cream bar at home.

And if my mid-week weigh-ins are any indication, I'm gonna have a good number tomorrow morning.

So that's where we stand, up to today. Back on a plan, with human accountability in place (meeting, and mom). I get to cheer my mom on as she fights to get healthy, and because she's really doing it now, meals with the family won't be "sabotage moments" like they used to. I'm very hopeful about this.

And honestly, I feel like I really have turned a corner. This feels different.

Oh! Before I forget:
Starting Weight: 504.0 pounds

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Two quick notes from today.

1) Went in to the fitness facility here in my building and met with a trainer. We talked through my goals, what i'm used to, what I need to be taught, and we are going to put together a training plan. Then I'm going to meet with a trainer a few times a week, doing weights and cardio, so I can get stronger and boost my weight-loss. I'm excited about this. The only thing i'm worried about? The girl is too nice. I'm hoping she turns into Jillian when we get to work next week.

2) Without realizing it, I had restarted my old WW account, rather than getting a new one. Old account, with the account history. The yo-yo weight graph. The old goals. I pulled up the data and clicked on "reset weigh-in history." A caution message popped up, asking me if I was sure that I wanted to delete all previous data and start over. I pulled up the three pages of weigh-in's, dating back to January 2006. I printed a copy to keep in a file, and then pressed "yes." In a moment, the past was gone. The dialog box popped up, asking me for new starting weigh-in total and date, and new goals.

Things are different. I really believe that. A reset seemed like a good idea.

And I'm feeling good.