Monday, December 12, 2011
In Week 24, I backslid and gained 1.4 pounds. And I was frustrated. I was tired. There was a lot going on in my world. So I made a decision, wise or not, that for Week 25, I wasn't really going to point my food. I was going to focus on making good choices (or better bad choices, as Jaimie puts it) and not focus on the numbers.
Well, I made some good choices, some bad choices, and some better bad ones. And in the end, in Week 25, I lost 0.4 pounds. But rather than see this as a disappointment, I see it as a reassurance. Because what I was doing in Week 25 was seeing what "maintenance" would be like--the thing I'm going to do for the rest of my life once I hit my goal. And when that part of my life comes, I'll be able to do the same sorts of things: I'll have ice cream sundaes with family to celebrate my baby sister's birthday, but choose the smaller size. I'll be able to go out with friends, and grab a turkey burger or a chicken sandwich, and pass on the fries. I'll choose to eat lots of veggies, and ask questions about how food is prepared, and drink lots of water.
And I'll be successful. I believe that.
Unfortunately, Maintenance doesn't mean weight loss, and that's what i need right now. So I'm back on pointing.
...Mostly. See, yesterday was my dad's birthday. We went out. And while I won't confess all my gastronomical sins, I will say that I consumed almost a pound of steak. And, oh the pain! A good reminder of why I don't eat like that anymore. So needless to say, I'm relinquishing my "bonus bank" points this week, and trying to get in at least a few workouts around a busy schedule, to make up for it.
But that's the thing: those days, they're going to happen. Life happens. And rather than get all bent out of shape about it, I'm learning how to step back and realize I'm going to be okay.
I'm not happy with my weight, so I'm going to work to change it. It may not be as easy or fast as I had hoped, but it will happen. I want it to happen.
So there's my story, folks. 456. 49 pounds total. But I feel better, and I'm ready to keep moving forward.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Week 23 Weigh-in: In which I finally reach my first big weight goal after almost 6 months (and other stuff happened)
Week 23 Weight: 455.0 lbs
Week 23 Change: -1.8 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 50.4 lbs
That's right: I lost almost 2 pounds on Thanksgiving Week, and reached my 10% / 50-lb goal. That's Victory #1.
Victory #2: I finished the 10K at roughly 2 hours and 6 minutes--which for any half-serious competitor isn't great, but for me is about 15 minutes faster than my best time at that distance. That's the difference that the weight loss makes. And by Sunday, almost all the soreness was gone, so my recovery time is improving.
And now, it's back to work, and looking toward my next goal. Here's what I'd like to do: I'd like to get through Christmas and hit New Years at least 10 pounds lighter than I am now. That's about 2 pounds a week, which is a faster clip than I've been going at lately, but is really what I should be losing on a regular basis anyway. Besides, this is the hardest time of year for me, food-wise, since I'm a candy/baked-goods addict.
So that's the prize I'm looking at right now: less than 445 by January 2.
Who's with me? Wanna try to lose 10 pounds over the holidays? Let me know in the comments.
Waddle on, friends.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Week 22 Weight: 456.8 lbs
Week 22 Change: +0.2 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 48.6 lbs
So yeah. There's that.
And now, Thanksgiving Week is upon us. *shudder*
Just kidding. I'm not too worried. Different approach, different mindset this year. Good things.
I'm still signed up for the 10K in two days. That, I'm a little more worried about. But hey. I'll go slow, pay attention to my body, and get through.
I know there are some of you that are incredibly frustrated with me. Maybe even think I'm hopeless, that I don't want to change. There's nothing that I can say that will change your opinion of me and what i'm doing, so i'm not going to bother. I just wanted to acknowledge that I know you're there. Thanks for hanging around anyway.
Happy Thanksgiving, kids. Make good choices. Win the (turkey) day. That's my goal, too.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Week 21 Weight: 456.6 lbs
Week 21 Change: -1.0 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 48.8 lbs
Little things can throw off the balance, and when the difference between success and failure is measured in ounces, these little things make a big difference.
Two days before the Week 20 weigh-in, I was showing about a half-pound loss. Not good, but a loss. Figured I could maybe pull another half-pound before I had to weigh in.
Over the next two days, I ate pretty well, but my diet included some salty foods. Apparently A LOT of salty foods.
On the scale, I was UP 5.2 pounds. And I could vouch for the fact that I didn't eat those extra calories in 2 days, so clearly the salt (I came to realize later) was a big deal.
But it was a blow. And I'd be lying if I said I didn't lose my composure on the scale.
And I started to skid. Made some dumb food choices. This is something I'm doing a little more lately, which worries me. I'll have a rough day, and slip on a meal or two afterward. I'll "forget" to point. Emotional eating has always been an Achilles heel. Frankly, this is why the last 10 pounds has taken me more than 2 months. I'll have a meal (or a day) where I don't follow the plan. I give up a little, and then come back.
So. Got back on track, ate extra potassium, drank water, all that.
On Saturday, was down 6.2 pounds, for an effective 1 pound loss over two weeks. Again, disappointing. But at least it was in the right direction.
I'm 1.2 pounds away from my 50-lb/10% goal. It's about dadgum time, too.
That's all I've got to say for myself. Sorry for the radio silence. I figured I'd rather wait and have proof that the weight gain was truly chemistry-related, and not the result of binge eating. (Because that would have been what, an extra 18,000 calories? Daaaaaang.)
I'll hopefully have a celebratory post next week. Till then, waddle on.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Week 19 Weight: 457.6 lbs
Week 19 Change: -1.4 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 47.8 lbs
Sorry for the late update. I really don't have that much to say about the weight loss. Glad it's still moving in the right direction. Wish it were moving faster.
But hey, here's something:
On Sunday afternoon, I walked/jogged the Monster Mash 5K for the third year in a row. No costume, sadly. But I was just happy to be out there. And without really training for it, being under-hydrated and sleep-deprived, I was still able to set a PR (personal record) of 59:42 for the distance. It's a pathetic time, but it's my best, so I'll take it. I even jogged for a minute or so in a couple of stretches during Miles 2 and 3. Never did that before either.
And that sub-60 time? Purely the difference in weight, which just blows me away. If I had properly trained, I might have been able to shave at least a few minutes off THAT time. This is the first race I've done in about 11 months, and just losing 35-40 pounds between then and now made a huge difference. I look forward to seeing how losing even more will help me going forward.
So. Positives all around. Trying to keep on the straight and narrow, diet-wise, which has been tricksy with Halloween. Basically, when I give in, I just have to count it all and make it work. Hopefully, my counts have been true and my body is able to cope with the sugar influx.
Non-Scale Victory: Not buying any discounted Halloween candy. Boom.
Have a good rest of your week, gang. Hopefully, the next post will be a milestone celebration. If not, well, then it'll be the next one. I'm in it for the long haul, remember?
Monday, October 24, 2011
Week 18 Weight: 459.0 lbs
Week 18 Change: -1.0 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 46.4 lbs
In 4 1/2 months, i've lost 46.4 pounds. That averages out to about 10 pounds a month, give or take. (2.57 pounds a week. 0.368 pounds a day.) Which, honestly, is not terrible, because if I kept at this pace overall, I'd hit goal weight at just over 2 years from starting the program, which is about what I was hoping for. I guess I knew that there would be stretches where it would slow down.
But that's just overall loss. Let's look at recent weeks.
In the last 10 weeks, I've only lost 18.8 pounds (an average of 1.88 pounds a week, or 0.269 pounds a day). The line on the graph is flattening a bit (ironically, as I am not flattening as much).
In the last 4 weeks, I've lost 4 pounds. Like this week, I've averaged 1 pound a week.
What's the point of bringing this up, Dave? Just to beat yourself up?
Okay, maybe, in part. Also to say this:
I'm still moving forward. I'm looking for ways to improve, to pick up speed; but the fact is, I'm still moving forward.
I went to the gym twice last week. I'm looking forward to working out two or three times this week. I have a 5K that I'm walking next Sunday. I'm going back to basics with the Weight Watchers plan--trying to follow the Good Health Guidelines they set up for working the plan properly.
It's a long road ahead. It's a hard road. And I'm still on it. The battle is to find out which is more stubborn: my mind or my overweight body. And right now, i'm telling you, I think my mind is.
See you next week.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Week 17 Weight: 460.0 lbs (again)
Week 17 Change: 0 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 45.4 lbs
So it was my birthday week. I was hoping for a big week, possibly hitting my 50 lb / 10% mark.
But as we all know, hoping doesn't accomplish anything. And I did little more than hope. I didn't plan, and I certainly didn't work any harder. So no change. But on the plus side, no gains, either. And I had a birthday dinner the night before my weigh-in (complete with birthday cupcake), so not gaining anything was a blessing as well.
I need to exercise. This is clear. My food tracking is still a little inconsistent, and exercising more can more than make up for that. Plus, I'll feel better. I went to the gym yesterday, and though I was a little nervous at first, once I got started I was fine. In fact, after 30 minutes on the elliptical, I felt good. This needs to be a regular thing.
I got new running shoes. New shoes always seem to make workouts better. (Look, i know that's stupid, but humor me this week, okay?)
Anyway, the mid-week sneak-peeks at the scale are showing a downward trend, so I'm expecting a decent-to-good number on Saturday. And I'm going to hit the gym at least one or two more times between now and then. So yeah. Good things.
Have a good week, friends.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Week 15 Weight: 461.8 lbs
Week 15 Change: -1.2 lbs
Week 16 Weight: 460.0 lbs
Week 16 Change: -1.8 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 45.4 lbs
Before we proceed, a motivational video:
I love that clip. And yes, it motivates me.
Sorry about the no-post last week. My folks have been out of town, and I've been house-sitting/sister-wrangling for the last week. While I've had full access to the internet, my mind hasn't been on this.
To be honest, my head's been wrong all week. I've been off balance, out of my element, whatever you want to call it. Haven't been able to weigh myself, because my family's scale is a standard scale with too low of a max weight. Plus, there's all this food in their house that I purposefully don't keep in mine. Trigger foods. Add to this all sorts of stress triggers. Work stress. Family stress. A bit of ministry stress. Single, 30yr. old, brotha-needs-to-finda-wife stress. (I guess people just call all this "life," right?)
Oh, plus the fact that my bank card number was stolen and almost used to charge up hundreds of dollars in hotel reservations. And also, because of a mistake on my part (not using the electric company's website properly two weeks ago when i tried to pay my bill), my bill went unpaid and my apartment power was turned off this week, which means all the food in my fridge will need to be thrown out.
So posting a loss this week is a blessing. That's what I'm going to keep telling myself. I'm frustrated that, before today, I've had a net loss of about 5 lbs in the last month. I'm irritated that my self-control seems to be degrading, and that snacks and sodas that I could resist so easily in the early months, I've started succumbing to lately. I'm aggravated that, even though I signed up for the Halloween 5K in August, I only started training for it THIS WEEK.
I'm disappointed in myself, in general, is the bottom line. So I'm left with two options: give up, or keep moving forward.
I think you know what I'm picking.
It's time to go back to the mantra that I had early this year, but somehow lost along the way: Win the Day.
That's all I've got. That's all I can fix. I can't make up for past mistakes, and mere worry can't prevent future ones. All I have is today. And today, I'm going to win.
Have a good week, friends. Pray for me, if you are one who prays. Shoot me a text or email, if you like. Remind me to win the day. Thanks.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Week 14 Weight: 463.0 lbs
Week 14 Change: -3.6 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 42.2 lbs
Progress. Slow. Occasionally hampered by a step backward. But progress. This is good. I'm two "good" weeks from the 50-pound mark, which will be a 10% milestone. Looking forward to that.
I went clothes shopping this weekend. And because I am useless when it comes to choosing things that look good--seriously, I have almost zero fashion sense--my mom and sisters came along. (Partly because they're getting me some new duds for my upcoming birthday, so we picked out some items that I'll be "surprised" by then.)
[EDIT: I had originally written about the shopping experience, playing up the somewhat awkward elements of going clothes-shopping with my mom and sisters. I was going for embarrassing-funny, and maybe it was. But it was at the expense of my family, and went too far. The fact of the matter is, I dearly love my family. Even when they accidentally embarrass me in public. And frankly, writing something moderately funny about it for this website is nowhere near worth the cost of possibly hurting their feelings if they read it. So. Sorry. Carry on.]
But the real silver lining in this, aside from some new clothes coming down the pike? I'm comfortably down a jeans size. Which is nice. Something to celebrate.
Maybe once i get the new duds, I'll post a picture or something. Who knows.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Week 13 Weight: 466.4 lbs
Week 13 Change: +1.4 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 38.8 lbs
No excuses. I'm not sure, but I might have fudged my numbers at some point. Not counted a soda or an extra cookie. Not enough to make up roughly 5,000 calories, but enough to where I can't say in good conscience that I did everything I was supposed to.
I'm mad at myself. I'm mad at the scale.
So this week is going to be different.
That's all. See you later.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Week 12 Weight: 465.2 lbs
Week 12 Change: -2.4 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 40.2 lbs
Forty pounds, y'all. Forty pounds. In three months. I'm a believer in this program.
I think what's helped lately is I'm noticing patterns and behaviors a little better, and when I hit trouble, I look to diagnose and fix the issue rather than throw up my hands in despair and hit the drive-thru.
I was asked recently if I'm really making lifestyle changes. And the answer (which I gave a little defensively, I admit) is yes. There are definitely things I used to do that I don't do now. Things I never used to think about that I do think about. I'm more careful. I'm more mindful.
Are things perfect? No. I'm still sort of undisciplined with food choices, though I'm becoming much more disciplined about writing down real numbers and actual portion sizes. Do I still grab a Dr. Pepper refill on my Diet Coke once in a while? Yes. I really need to stop, but I guess I haven't been willing to thusfar. Do I still eat fast food? Yes, though I have been seriously trying to limit my fast food intake. And the time when I struggle the most with the drive-thru temptation? Not late night--breakfast. Mornings seem to be tough for me. I'm always running behind, and the convenience of drive-thru (with its giant Diet Cokes) is always tempting.
I stopped going to McDonald's on December 21st of last year. But I replaced it with Whataburger and Burger King. When I "banned" them as well on April 1st, Jack in the Box and Sonic stepped up to take their places. As of last Friday, Jack and Sonic were put on my "no-buy" list. And I can already tell that Taco Cabana is waiting in the wings.
But I'm learning. And it's getting better.
I'm hoping, over the next 3 months, to totally wean myself off of sugary soft drinks and drive-thru breakfasts. That would be fantastic. I'm also hoping to start exercising more and more regularly. (Or just start exercising, period.)
And I know "hoping" is not going to get me there. I need to plan, decide, and execute in order to have success. But I guess I'm not ready to commit to that yet. The readiness will come, though; I'm sure of it.
In the meantime, I'll just keep being careful about my choices, honest about my points, and hopeful about my progress. And because the plan works, I'll keep losing.
I'm less than 10 pounds from my 50 lb. milestone. That will be a good one.
Waddle on, thunderin' herd.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Week 11 Weight: 467.6 lbs
Week 11 Change: -0.4 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 37.8 lbs
Quick update, and sorry for the lateness of it.
So last week, I don't know why it happened, but on Tuesday night I was just ravenous. (For some reason, this has happened more than once. What's up with Tuesday nights?) As such, I blew through not only my daily points, but all my weekly extra points. Plus 3 that i had to make up with "activity" (for which, i counted the walking bit of my commute that day--i normally don't count that). I knew I was in trouble, so the next 3 days, I was VERY careful with my food. (Why am I not always this careful with my food, you may ask? Because it drives me blinkin' bonkers, that's why.)
Finished the week, made it to the scale, posted a loss. Even the loss of roughly half a pound is better than a gain. No ground lost.
In the past, after a blowout day like Tuesday, I would have chucked the week, and then eventually chucked the program. It's not happening again. I believe in this process, and I will reach my goal.
This week... well, I've been over my dailies every day this week, but not enough in total to get me in trouble. So I'm still functioning within the guidelines. I just have to be careful.
Thanks for your comments. I appreciate the support.
Have a good week, folks.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Week 9 Weight: 468.0 lbs
Week 9 Change: -6.2 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 37.4 lbs
Wow. When I saw the number that the lady at the meeting wrote on my card, I said, "Wait--really??"
And how did I celebrate this mondo loss? But eating like a machine last night. Grrr. (Don't worry, I pointed everything.)
So yeah, 12 1/2 pounds away from the 50 lb / 10% landmark. Looking forward to crossing that line and keeping it going.
Tomorrow starts my C25K. I'm a little nervous, because i don't like "programs." But it's worth it to get to the goal of finishing a 5K in under an hour. And also being able to walk from my parking lot 1/4 mile to my building without sucking wind.
The danger of starting a workout regimen? In the past, I've fallen into the habit of overcompensating with food. So I'd "eat" all the progress I was making and calories I was burning in the gym. Gotta keep a close eye on that, starting this week.
Okay, guess that's all I got today. Have a good week, gang.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Week 9 Weight: 474.2 lbs
Week 9 Change: -3.6 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 31.2 lbs
Back on track. I'm eating more frozen lunches, but I'm still not cooking regularly. Hopefully this week (now that i have hot water), I can start doing that too.
I'm going to start Couch-to-5K next week, so this week, it's all about apartment set-up. But I'm looking forward to getting back on the road.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Week 8 Weight: 477.8 lbs
Week 8 Change: +1 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 27.6 lbs
I had premonitions. My scale at home doesn't come up with the same weight as the meeting scale. But I noticed that it still wasn't moving in the right direction. I told myself that it would be fine, it would all work itself out.
One pound gain.
There are worse things. There are worse weeks. But I'm still disappointed, because this puts me a week further away from my goal.
I told my meeting leader, who gave me a comforting handshake and encouraged me to not get down about it. I told him I almost didn't want to eat breakfast, out of guilt, but I knew that would only sabotage me in the end, because i'd overeat at lunch.
So later that morning, as I finished breakfast and sat and moped, I realized I could either feel sorry for myself, or do something productive. So I went and got all my groceries for the week, and stocked my fridge with healthy food. Then I went to church and volunteered, handing out school supplies to needy students and families.
Moping over. I'm back on track.
What happened? I wasn't tracking closely. Snacking is always the hard thing for me, and I would let some things go. Also, and this is a bigger issue, I'm still struggling with my one vice: regular soda. When I was out and about, I'd fill my cup with Diet Coke, and then with Dr. Pepper. I justified it in my mind, but didn't count it against my point totals. "What's wrong with you? Just cut that stuff out cold turkey!" I can hear the chorus of exasperated voices already. Fine. I get that. (Funny, but several of these voices have no problem tying a few on at happy hour, and then rag me for what I drink. Calories are calories, kiddies.)
So this week, I'm getting back to basics. Point everything. Drink water. Avoid all sugared soda. Be more active.
And next week, I'm hoping for a 4-5 pound bounce.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Week 7 Weight: 476.8 lbs
Week 7 Change: -3.2 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 28.6 lbs
Another good week. The high level of physical activity during the moving process definitely helped offset a week of not cooking at home (my kitchen is still in boxes, i'm ashamed to say).
Hopefully this week, as I get the kitchen set up and am able to cook again, I'll regain some control of my pocketbook and my diet. But God is gracious, and I'm still losing weight.
Hope you're all doing well. Feel free to leave a comment and say hi, okay?
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Week 6 Weight: 480.0 lbs
Week 6 Change: -2.8 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 25.4 lbs
That's right. It's #25LbChip time! Six weeks, good success, some ups and downs, but I'm pressing on.
This weekend was spend moving to a new apartment, so I had to eat out A LOT. This probably means I consumed a lot of salt, so next week may not be as impressive. But I've been trying to make good choices (or better bad choices, thanks, Jaimie!), and I'm not too worried about it. Back to normal life (even if most of the apartment is still boxed up), and back to pointing today (really, yesterday).
I'll try to blog more than the weekly weigh-in, but I definitely want to do at least that each week. We'll see. No promises, other than that I won't give up on this.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Week 5 Weight: 482.8 lbs
Week 5 Change: -3.8 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 22.6 lbs
Can't really talk much because I'm about to have a brutal week. Much too busy, much too stressed. My prayer is that the work and labor and stress of job+preaching+moving will keep my appetite down, keep me under my Points, and burn off a lot of calories.
Or, it could completely freak out my endocrine system, and--combined with little-to-no sleep--leave me with no progress by next weekend.
Let's hope for that first thing.
Thanks for the encouragements; I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. (Except I just did. But yeah, thank you.)
Next week, Lord-willing, I'll post another loss, and have time to talk about my least favorite thing in the gym.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Week 4 Weight: 486.6 lbs
Week 3 Change: -1.6 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 18.8 lbs
Less than I would have liked. Reassessing what I did in the last week. I think part of it is that a lot of my food intake was processed food--so higher in salt than previous weeks. Also, I used every one of my available points, and some of my activity points, because I worked out with a trainer twice and that ramped up my hunger.
I'm hoping with proper hydration, less processed food, and a little more vigilance I should be able to get back the losses I "gave up" in this last week. Plus, my mom challenged me to go a week without using any of my "bonus points" (the weekly bank we're allowed to use). (Two days in, so far so good.) I've taken her up on it. So I'm hoping for a gangbusters weigh-in on Saturday.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
I have a scale at home, which I use to weigh-in in the middle of the week and get an idea of how i'm doing. It's in the bathroom, so I can do the morning, pre-or-post-shower weight.
So for the last two weigh-ins, I've posted my at-home, unofficial numbers.
Problem is, my Weight Watchers weigh-ins are obviously clothed. Plus, the first week, I was wearing jeans. Heavy fabric=artificial weight loss if i wear something else. During Week 2, I was wearing cargo shorts of a lighter material. (To avoid this in the future, I'm going to be wearing essentially the same outfit to my WW weigh-ins from now on--tee-shirt and those same [or similar] shorts.)
SO. My home weights are slightly different than my WW meeting weights. This has become confusing to keep up with and report, so I'm going to just give you my WW weights from now on, and we'll just assume the truth is within a pound up or down of that number.
The point is consistency. That's why I'm picking one weigh-in and sticking with it, on this blog. So I'm hereby going back and revising my previous numbers so that it's all consistent.
We all on the same page now? Cool. On to the update:
Starting WW meeting weight: 505.4 lbs
Week 1 Weight: 495.4 lbs
Week 2 Weight: 492.4 lbs
Week 2 Change: -3 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 13 lbs
This week was trickier. I used up all my daily and weekly points, and went a touch over that, even. Also, my body is struggling to adjust to the change in food type and quality. I won't discuss further, but will simply say, I'm still adjusting. That said, I was very pleased to show any loss, and frankly worried that the number i put up was wrong. I wonder if maybe I was leaning forward without realizing it, which would throw off the scale just a bit.
But i'm learning to just trust the process, and trust the numbers. As long as they keep going in the right direction, i'm fine.
Still haven't started up with the gym. That reminds me, I need to email them. I was supposed to get a training schedule last week, and it never came.
Okay, that's it. I may check in later in the week. Who knows, I may even knock out a video blog.
Have a good week, remember to drink plenty of water and consume the right amount of healthy oils (your GI system will thank you!), and Waddle On, You Thunderin' Herd.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Week 2 Weight: 495.6 pounds
Week 1 Weight Loss: 8.4 pounds
Solid start. I'm using all my points, and haven't really started ramping up exercise yet. (That comes this week, with my new trainer at the gym downstairs). So yeah. Boom.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Happy Summer, friends.
Let me summarize what's been going on with me.
I quit on myself again, and gained back all the weight. I used the excuse of an injury to stop exercising and eat garbage, and ended up gaining back everything I'd lost in the first half of the year. And a little extra.
I reached a point where I really started FEELING the weight. I noticed how my energy really started tanking. How out of breath the five-minute walk from the parking lot to the office made me. How gross I felt after meals. My blood pressure was getting worse (I could tell by how my ankles would swell). And I realized that I was starting to fall apart more precipitously.
At this point, something awesome happened: my mom joined Weight Watchers.
If you don't know my amazing mother, I'll just say this: she's in a similar boat that I'm in, though not to the extreme I am. She also has diabetes. And while she's paid lip-service to how she needs to take care of herself (sound like anyone you know?), she hasn't really done so.
Then suddenly, she told me that she joined WW and was going to the meetings. She said I needed to do the same. I needed accountability.
And the fact was, I knew she was right. I was tired of fighting the truth: I needed to do something to save my life.
So, a mere 3 months after logging off of WW for the last time, I found myself walking into a WW meeting on a Saturday morning.
It's funny. I felt totally self-conscious, almost embarrassed, as i was getting registered. Me, the guy who talks in front of people every week. The guy who has blogged his guts and blood and bones out for almost 8 years. I think I know why it was harder this time. Before, I would say "yeah, I need to do this or that," and then try my hardest to do it myself. But walking into that Methodist church, sitting down in that Sunday-school-classroom-turned-WW-meeting-room, I wasn't just saying, "I need to do this or that."
I was saying, "I can't do it. Please help me." And that's really hard for me to do.
The meeting was painless. The perky instructor actually asked me to share about how i needed accountability, so I did, finally getting my comfort level back. Maybe being inside a church helped. I'm one of those rare breeds for whom church is actually a safe place.
I shared, and she gave me a blue "Bravo!" sticker (for non-weight victories) that I got to put in my little weigh-in book. It's a silly and small thing, but it's important. I see that now, days later.
So for a week, i've been on the plan. I've gone over my daily points, but not too far. The WW system is to give you a daily target and a weekly bonus bank (these are not the exact terms, but whatever). So if you splash over your daily point total, you cash in some of those extra points. The idea is to use all your dailies and as many of your weeklies as you want, up to the limit. Some people save their bank for one day out of the week, so they can just blow it out. Me, i'm still getting used to the new point system, so I'm using the weekly points to course-correct.
It's the last day of the week. I have just enough daily points and leftover bank points to have a good dinner and maybe a WW ice cream bar at home.
And if my mid-week weigh-ins are any indication, I'm gonna have a good number tomorrow morning.
So that's where we stand, up to today. Back on a plan, with human accountability in place (meeting, and mom). I get to cheer my mom on as she fights to get healthy, and because she's really doing it now, meals with the family won't be "sabotage moments" like they used to. I'm very hopeful about this.
And honestly, I feel like I really have turned a corner. This feels different.
Oh! Before I forget:
Starting Weight: 504.0 pounds
Two quick notes from today.
1) Went in to the fitness facility here in my building and met with a trainer. We talked through my goals, what i'm used to, what I need to be taught, and we are going to put together a training plan. Then I'm going to meet with a trainer a few times a week, doing weights and cardio, so I can get stronger and boost my weight-loss. I'm excited about this. The only thing i'm worried about? The girl is too nice. I'm hoping she turns into Jillian when we get to work next week.
2) Without realizing it, I had restarted my old WW account, rather than getting a new one. Old account, with the account history. The yo-yo weight graph. The old goals. I pulled up the data and clicked on "reset weigh-in history." A caution message popped up, asking me if I was sure that I wanted to delete all previous data and start over. I pulled up the three pages of weigh-in's, dating back to January 2006. I printed a copy to keep in a file, and then pressed "yes." In a moment, the past was gone. The dialog box popped up, asking me for new starting weigh-in total and date, and new goals.
Things are different. I really believe that. A reset seemed like a good idea.
And I'm feeling good.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
This week's weight: 494.6 pounds
Loss: 1 pound
Another week of fluctuations, in which I got up into the high-nineties before coming back down. I won't even count this as an official weigh-in, since it's been nine days, not 7. (My Monday weight was higher.)
--I hate this boot.
--I downloaded My Fitness Pal onto my iPod. Easy way to track calories. Larger database than WW. And free. Booyah.
--I'm also ending my five-year relationship with WW. I'm ending it 20 pounds heavier than when I started. That's a drag. While the online-only format was useful for a while, I didn't have the commitment to stick with it long-term.
--Not that using an iPod app provides any greater level of accountability or commitment. I'm just not going to be paying $17 a month for the privilege of ignoring it half the time.
--Going to contact the Wellness office at work today to set up an appointment with a nutritionist. (Why on earth have I not taken advantage of this free service before?)
That's all I've got. Have a good week, folks.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Week 13 Weight: 495.6 pounds.
Four pounds gained over the last three weeks or so. I'm glad it's not more. But that means I'm down to a net loss of 8.4 pounds since January 3. Three months of back-and-forth. I'm trying to spin it in my head as "a sustained loss," but it's a slide backwards.
I'm in a tricksy headspace right now. Yesterday, in response to some personal frustrations, I totally emo-scarffed a DQ Reese's PBCup blizzard. Blatant self-medication. Then I sat in my apartment and watched several hours of Mad Men and just tuned out of the world for a bit.
It's all connected. The weight-loss struggle/surrender affects the mental and emotional state. Which increases the stress level. Which triggers the unhealthy coping mechanisms. Which sabotage the weight-loss efforts. Ad nauseum, ad infinitum.
I'm making an appointment with the therapist/counsellor guy i used to see. He's really good at asking me the questions i'm not asking myself. That helps, especially in times like this when i'm so twisted around the axle mentally that I don't even know how to begin fixing what's obviously out of whack.
Foot Update: Been wearing a medical boot for the past five days to immobilize my foot/ankle so that the tendon inflammation can go down. Foot feels better. Calf hurts mightily. Will be wearing the boot until Easter, at which time, as stated previously, I'm definitely signing up for some sort of personal training/coaching to get the exercise thing going.
Okay, that's it, back to work.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
He drives with confidence
upshifting and downshifting
like a professional driver in a closed course
leaving a cloud of dust and a sportscar logo
in his wake
until he is distracted
and hits an unseen gravel patch
the mountain road he so expertly manuevered
becomes a terrifying track
as he struggles to regain traction
and for a moment
he takes his hands off the wheel
but the moment passes
he regains composure
decides he will not give up
and let the force of physics drag him
over the edge and down to the valley floor
so he grits his teeth
grips the wheel
prays with the strained whispers
and unvoiced screams of a dying man
and tries to stop the skid
This is me, gripping the wheel and stopping the skid.
I don't have an official weight for you, but i think i gained back about half of what i lost.
I let a lingering foot injury and my own poor reactions to external stressors determine my actions, so I haven't been to the gym in weeks. I'll be there tomorrow morning at six.
Official weigh-in back on, on Monday.
Over Easter weekend, I'll be committing to a trainer/nutritionist. I need professional coaching if I'm going to succeed in these early stages of the journey back. I'm currently looking at my options. If you have suggestions, comment or email.
Day 1: Going back to basics. I need to win today.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Starting Weight: 504.0 pounds
Previous Weight: 491.0 pounds
Current Weight: 491.6 pounds
Weight Change: +0.6 pounds
Total Weight Loss: 12.4 pounds
I've got nothing to say for myself. In almost three months, i've only lost 12 frigging pounds. Which would be fine for someone with 30 or 40 pounds to lose, but not for someone who really nees to lose more than 250 pounds.
This makes me sick.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Starting Weight: 504.0 pounds
Previous Weight: 490.2 pounds
Current Weight: 491.0 pounds
Weight Change: +0.8 pounds
Total Weight Loss: 13.0 pounds
Started out the week strong, then got side-tracked by:
- Taking my sister out for Chinese and not making smart choices
- Grazing on the little sweets and things available at a wedding
- Not resisting the temptation of getting some ice cream
Monday, February 28, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
I've been avoiding you, because I fell off the wagon. Fell hard. I got caught up in personal stress and emotional unsteadiness, and true-to-form, I ate. I put away the food journal, and I just went off the tracks.
I even went to a pizza buffet. I know. I can't believe it myself.
I had a brief moment of clarity during the pizza romp, though. There, during Plate #2, I was scarfing a slice of meatlover's pizza when I heard a quiet voice in my head saying, "Dave, this is what's killing you. This right here. This is killing you."
I tried to ignore it, tried to keep enjoying the pizza, and the voice got louder.
"DAVE. THIS IS WHAT'S KILLING YOU."
"But I like it," I tried to argue. "It tastes good."
"Does it really?"
...And I realized--no. It tasted pretty awful. But I was mindlessly eating it because that's how I suppress pain and confusion and stress. That's how I medicate. The kick of the sugars hitting my bloodstream makes it all feel better, at least for a while.
I pushed the plate away, left the pizza parlour, and went off into the night.
But that didn't get me back on track. That took longer. That took human intervention.
I have a coworker whom I have treated poorly, because I always misinterpreted her attempts to show care as hatred. She refuses to baby me about anything, so I always saw her as an opponent or nemesis. But she's been a faithful friend, who's been honest and confrontational with me when others shied away.
Today, as I walked to my office door, she said, through the next doorway, "We need to talk."
Never a good thing. I always get that metallic adrenaline surge when i hear those words. So I went into her office, and she said, "You're not pointing your food, are you?"
No choice but to cop to it. No, I'm not.
We talked it out, and she begged me to get back on track. I needed that.
My pattern, friends, is to hide. To avoid people who hold me accountable. This is self-destructive, because I know I need this kind of support and challenge. But I run, because I'm afraid of letting people down and being a disappointment.
Don't let me run. If you care about me at all, don't let me hide.
If I don't post my weigh-in info each week, email me. Call me. Text me. Chase me down in public. Remind me that you won't stand by and let me hide in the shadows.
I hate writing this, because it honestly feels weak. But I am weak. I need help. Please help me.
Week 7 Weigh-in Results:
Starting Weight: 504.0 pounds
Previous Weight: 490.4 pounds
Current Weight: 494.6 pounds
Weight Change: +4.2 pounds
Total Weight Loss: 9.8 pounds
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
I had some momentum at my mid-week weigh-in, but I stumbled through the weekend, and ended up overdoing it on Saturday-Sunday. So.
No change. Still 490.4 (or .2, depending on how the scale is positioned). I'm trying to figure out how to place the scale properly, because my bathroom has slate floor (read: uneven), and where I place the scale affects what my weight reads. But I can't blame scale position for the lack of progress.
I've nailed down two big mistakes I keep making in my no-loss weeks:
1) Not filling out the food journal consistently. We've discussed this before.
2) Drinking calories.
Re: #2, last night after my Monday night Bible Study (a weekly commitment that seems to introduce more dangerous food into my apartment than anything else), I had a couple of two-liter bottles of full-cal soda in the fridge, one almost empty, the other more than half-full. I thought about leaving it, then pulled them out, dumped the almost empty one into the sink and opened the other one. Dr. Pepper--a big weakness of mine. I took one satisfied swig, may have even sighed audibly in satisfaction, then dumped the rest down the drain like an alcoholic trying to get clean. It can't be in my house. That's part of the reason I didn't lose any weight last week--I kept the soda in the house after Monday, and sucked it down throughout the week.
It's not just soda, though. Milk. Juice. I abuse these things, and consume liquid cals on a regular basis. A diet soda, with a Dr. Pepper refill here. A glass of milk to go with my peanut butter sandwich there. It's got to stop, because clearly it's not doing me any favors.
So let's try this for a week, kids: no-cal liquids only, with two exceptions: I have a low-cal Gatorade that I drink during workouts, because I sweat a lot and need to keep my salt levels right. And then I have a protein supplement drink after I work out. Beyond those? Water or no-cal soda only. No juices, no milk, and for goodness sake, no regular soda.
The more water I drink, the better i'll do, anyway.
I'll keep you posted.
Previous/Current Weight: 490.4 (+/-0.2) pounds.
Total Loss: 13.4 pounds
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
In which I talk about setting goals, feeling worn down, dealing with emotional lows, and not giving up.
My beard is very red.
I say "um," "uh," and "so" a LOT.
(Musical intro: "Basic Instructions" by Burlap to Cashmere)
Monday, January 31, 2011
I was looking at the website, and it has this progress graph. I reset it to show my progress from my first day with WW until now. Here's what I saw:
See, I joined WW in January of 2006. That's right, five years ago. I've been paying a membership fee for all this time, even the stretches where I didn't track anything. I considered that my "fat tax."
You can see there my very first "Week 2" weight. I lost ten pounds that first week. I ended up dipping down to just under 411 in July 2006, before bouncing back up. That's the lightest I've been in five years.
It's interesting, isn't it, to think about five years of your life. Struggles, victories, relationships gained and lost, lovers, enemies, apartments, houses, friends getting married, friends having babies, friends divorcing. Lots of time.
In that time, my weight, as you can see, has gone up and down. You can easily track the moments in which I recommitted to getting serious, and the times when I gave up and gave in. Little valleys, that eventually led to new peaks. Each of those little dips? About 10-15 pounds. I'd get serious, work hard, and then fade out. And get heavier. From January to July of 2006, I lost 61 pounds. Then gained it back. In January of 2007, I lost 15 pounds in three weeks, and then gained it all back. Over a month in the fall of that year, I lost about 25 pounds. Then gained it back. Over six months in 2009, I lost 25 pounds. Then gained it all back. (Incidentally, it turns out that when i started this latest trip on the weight-loss train, I was not my heaviest ever. In March of 2009, I actually logged a weight of 505. At least, that was my tracked number--who knows what my actual heaviest was.)
I am the living definition of a yo-yo dieter.
I'm sharing all this because I want you to see the pattern I'm seeing. I get a little success, and then stop trying. When I start putting the weight back on, I get frustrated and give up, and end up worse than when I started. I mean, look at that graph! That's bad news!
We've even seen it in me thus far this year, haven't we. First week: big loss. Second week: no loss. Third week: gain. And now, I'm almost at that magic 15-pound mark.
It's clear to me that I need accountability and I need to be called out by caring friends, so that I stop falling into these patterns. So I'm asking for help. I'm tired of being a yo-yo. Will you help me? Comment, email, text. Call me out on video if I start slacking off. Get my attention.
My goal weight, is about 3 full "squares" below that plotted line in that picture. Which means I need a lot more of these 4-pound weeks. I need to stay focused. I don't want to give up. I'm gonna do everything I can not to give up.
But I'm not going to be able to do this alone.
Starting Weight: 504.0 pounds
Previous Weight: 495.0 pounds
Current Weight: 490.6 pounds
Week 4 Change: -4.4 pounds
Total Loss: 13.4 pounds
Yeah, I feel much better about that. Heading in the right direction. Would have been a little more, but the diet went kind of sideways on Sunday. Back to it today.
Overall, I'm doing okay. My ankle's still giving me some trouble, so I'm going to try to get in to see a podiatrist next week and make sure nothing nasty is going on. But I've been getting to the gym, though not as often as I want to.
But it's a new dawn and a new day. So let's get to work.
And I do apologize for not getting a video out this week. Look for one in the next couple of days, hopefully.
Waddle on, friends.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
No excuse, no blame. I'm mad at myself.
I know what went wrong. When I started upping my workouts, I fell into the trap of upping my food intake to (over)compensate, because i was hungrier more often. Also, my pledge to recommit to the food journal didn't last long.
Lesson: Working out makes you hungry. Don't overeat and nullify its benefits.
And KEEP. THE. FREAKING. FOOD. JOURNAL. Don't be an idiot like me.
So I'm going to take my own advice, and just focus on winning today.
I'll post something in video form later in the week.
Starting Weight: 504.0 pounds
Previous Weight: 493.8 pounds
Current Weight: 495.0 pounds
Week 3 Change: +1.2 pounds
Total Loss: 9.0 pounds
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Heres ya go.
Starting Weight: 504.0 pounds
Previous Weight: 494.2 pounds
Current Weight: 493.8 pounds
Week 2 Change: -0.4 pounds
Total Loss: 10.2 pounds
Yes, you read that right--4/10 of a pound. What is that, 6-7 ounces? So basically, no change. No gain, yes, but I don't have time for no-gain weeks.
Okay, video forthcoming. Back to work.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
A quick video addressing the "Biggest Loser" issue that Trevor brought up this week.
AND: I added a comment in Youtube to clarify this, but: About 2:45 into the video, I say that you can't wait for an outside savior to rescue you from being fat. And it's clear within the context that I'm talking specifically about weight loss and the tendency of people to look for outside fixers instead of trying to address their own issues. But this wasn't a theological statement, and I will be clarifying this in the future, so at least anyone following me on Youtube will hear a clearer statement about the "savior" question.
So, like, don't freak out on me and accuse me of apostasy, because that's obviously not what's being said. Thanks.
Monday, January 10, 2011
I will readily admit that I didn't write down every single thing, and had a couple of meals that went a little off the rails, but for the most part, i was militant. I'm ready to make war against this disease in me--not obesity, but laziness.
SO. Things are going well. God is good. (He'd be good even if things WEREN'T going well. I'm just sayin'.)
Okay, here's the number:
Starting Weight: 504.0 pounds
Week 2 Weight: 494.2 pounds
Weekly/Total Weight Loss: -9.8 pounds
Praise the Lord for that.
And how sad is it, with simply changing my diet (I've been sick so i haven't gotten back to the gym--will do so this week), I shed a tenner. It's like my body is so desperate to be healthy that it jumps on the chance to burn off the excess.
Okay, body. Imma help you out from now on.
Waddle on, thunderin' herd.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
That's right, we're hitting the Youtube airwaves. Now you get to see/hear what a loser i am! ;- )
Last night was hard. After a biggish dinner, I broke down and snacked an hour or so later. And by snacked, I mean, a bowl of cereal...followed an hour or two later by two PBJ sandwiches. (Is anyone surprised that i'm over 500 pounds?)
Before, this would have been devastating and disheartening. Now, it's just disappointing. Irritating. But it won't stop me from getting back on the horse.
OH--did you realize Subway's food has a TON of sodium? I mean, i figured, processed meat, no big shock there, but a TON. So yeah, I don't think I'll be going there very often.
Okay, gotta work. Catch you on the flipside, thunderin' herd.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Resolved: Okay, Trevor, I'm on board.
I've got my food journal going.
I'm back on Weight Watchers, and am back to logging points.
You other readers--are you ready to waddle on with me? 2011 is the year when the Gospel starts to change my life in a new way. My prayer is that, throughout this year, God will be glorified in my health, as much as He is in my obedience in other areas.
Short-term Goals: I want to lose at least 15 pounds a month for the first 3 months, and then 10 pounds a month after that until i reach my goal weight. And no more yo-yo weight changes. Sustainable weight loss. Consistency.
Current Status: I'm ashamed of this--but I'm now the heaviest I've ever been. After losing about ten pounds due to dehydration and sickness in Haiti, I've put on 30 in the last 4 months.
2011 Starting Weight, as of yesterday morning, January 3: 504.0 pounds.
Expect something visual soon. Pictures, maybe even a vlog if i can get the tech to work out right.